


Theirs

by lovingremus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Jealousy, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Sirius Black, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Oblivious Sirius Black, Other, Trans Remus Lupin, Yule Ball (Harry Potter), brief mention of transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28325124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingremus/pseuds/lovingremus
Summary: The Yule Ball is coming in a few days, and Sirius well knows who they would love to go with. Too bad Remus already seems to be going with somebody else.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 112





	Theirs

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the events of this fic were voted by my Instagram followers, helping me to build the story and its twists step by step.
> 
> Remus is a trans man (he/him) and Sirius is nonbinary (he/they)
> 
> See tags for warnings!

Sirius first heard about it from their classmates on a late Saturday breakfast.

There had been rumours going around for months now, started by the kids whose relatives were in important positions in the Ministry. It seemed like the thing had only now been confirmed, and the news had filled the whole castle with excitement.

A Yule Ball. A party. A _Dance._

“Next Thursday,” Lily said as Sirius sat down next to her at the Gryffindor table. “Right before the holidays start.”

“So soon,” Sirius said, furrowing their brows.

“Well, the School Board went back and forth with allowing it for weeks and managed to put out the final decision just now,” Dorcas said from Lily’s other side. “It’s going to be a whole thing. We can dress nicely and are allowed to bring a date and everything.”

“A date?” Sirius looked around. They didn’t trust themselves to speak their mind about the topic around just anyone, but the stool that was usually occupied by the prettiest boy in the world was still empty.

Dumb of them to even have to check, really. Remus had just been in the dorm, stayed behind to brush his teeth. And as if they could ever ignore Remus Lupin’s presence for a second was he really there.

Dorcas flashed them a knowing grin.

“Anyone in mind, Black?”

Of course Sirius had someone in mind. They’d had since the third year. And the girls knew that.

“Anyone in mind, Meadowes?”

“Yes,” Dorcas said sharply, but her dark eyes glinted warmly. “Marlene. She asked me.”

Well damn. They’d been waiting for this to happen for a long time.

“Your turn,” Lily said, gently elbowing Sirius’s arm. “Who is it?”

“You know who,” Sirius hissed through pursed lips. 

“You-Know-Who?” A worried voice came from behind them. “What’s happened now?”

Remus sat down on his seat, brows knitted together in concern. Lily and Dorcas burst out laughing. Sirius blinked, rubbing the back of their neck.

“Oh, no… nothing,” they said. “Not what we were talking about.”

“What were you talking about?”

Dorcas and Lily were so kind as to save the situation by starting to explain the Yule Ball to Remus, too. Sirius observed his reaction throughout the whole thing and was positively surprised to see him getting excited. They hadn’t been sure if Remus would be very taken by the idea.

Sirius hurried to move their focus on their untouched plate when Lily mentioned the dates. They could sense Remus’s eyes drifting on them and lingering there. He stared. Remus always stared. And Sirius always pretended not to notice.

For the announcement had come in such short notice, everybody seemed to be in a rush to find themselves a date. It didn’t take too long for Sirius to notice they were definitely amongst the most popular ones to be asked to the Ball.

“Sorry, I’m planning to ask someone,” Sirius explained every time. To their friends, they brushed it off as an excuse, while trying to convince themselves to get a grip and really do it. Ask him.

Sirius didn’t think Remus saw them that way. He had never shown any signs of it. Sirius had done a fair share of hinting and flirting throughout the years, without any remarkable results.

They’d still lose nothing by asking, Sirius tried to tell themselves.

But how, exactly, does one ask out the love of their life who only sees you as a friend?

“As a friend,” Sirius said under their breath. They were climbing the stairs from the dungeons, returning from detention that had lasted over midnight. They’d spent the whole time practising and preparing in their head while scrubbing cauldrons.

At least the timing would be perfect. They wanted to be alone with Remus for this, and the best chance for that was late in the night. They knew Remus would be studying in the Common Room until small hours. “As a friend, as a friend, you can say you’re asking him as a friend.”

They pushed the Portrait Hole open. Remus was, indeed, still sitting on one of the sofas, leaning over a table to write on a long parchment roll. His hair looked almost golden in the glow of the flames dancing in the fireplace.

Sirius was about to step further into the room, but then they heard a voice—an unfamiliar voice—and stopped on their tracks in the shadows.

Remus wasn’t alone in the room. There was a girl with him, and she was wildly whispering something to Remus, who was responding just as eagerly.

She must’ve sensed them observing because after a minute she raised her head and looked around. As her eyes landed on Sirius, she jumped up and without another word, rushed toward the girls’ dorm.

Sirius settled on the spot the girl had just sat on, right next to Remus. It made Sirius sick to their stomach to think about. Remus and her, Remus and _anyone_ , whispering in the night.

Remus’s smile was radiant.

“Hey,” he said in a delighted voice. “How was detention?”

“Boring,” Sirius said, tilting their head to the staircase. They tried hard to sound like they were just making conversation. “Who was she?”

“Oh, she’s just at the library often,” Remus said. Sirius nodded, gathering final drops of courage. And when they were just opening their mouth… “She asked me to the Ball.”

Sirius could feel something break somewhere deep inside of them. They were only half-aware of getting up. Their legs seemed to be working all on their own, and they were now leading them from the scene.

Remus’s confused voice called their name somewhere far away. Sirius didn’t stop.

“Tired,” they heard their own voice explain in a rather convincing tone. “Boring detention. Good night.”

Sirius resisted the urge to slam the dorm door shut with all their might. They would’ve done so if James and Peter hadn’t been already asleep. They made sure the curtains around their bed were shut tightly before they let a sob break out.

They should’ve opened their damn mouth earlier.

They should’ve asked Remus the moment the Ball was announced.

Remus acted as if nothing had changed. To him, that was probably the reality anyway. He had no idea Sirius had been just waiting for the right moment to ask him. He had no idea how hurt Sirius had gotten when he’d said yes to someone else.

Nothing had changed. They didn’t talk about Sirius’s odd exit last night. Remus waited for Sirius to get dressed, tapping with his foot impatiently, and they walked down for breakfast together. They spent the morning studying for the last few exams while James was away at Quidditch practice with Peter, who sometimes went to watch. Sirius wasn’t sure why. Peter had never shown any real interest in the sport.

Nothing had changed. Remus still stared, endlessly, painfully. Sirius was sure his gaze would burn a hole through them at some point.

Nothing had changed. He was still so beautiful.

Remus sat cross-legged on the floor, focused on sewing a rip on his suit jacket. It had been Remus’s muggle grandfather’s suit, he’d told Sirius, and to be decades old it still was very fashionable to this day. Sirius wasn’t sure how they could handle seeing Remus in it.

They were splayed on their bed, half-heartedly flipping through a _Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions_ catalogue. Their parents had sent them their dress robes from home, but Sirius hadn’t even bothered to open the package. They already knew they wouldn’t wear it for any prize and would have to order new ones as soon as possible. They didn’t want to appear to a once-in-a-lifetime party in normal school robes.

Well, they didn’t want to appear to a once-in-a-lifetime party alone, either. But that was something they no longer could do anything about. There was only one soul in the world they could even imagine going with. Nobody else was even an option.

And it wasn’t happening.

Sirius looked up from the catalogue with a heavy sigh. There were hundreds of options, way too much to choose from. They allowed themselves to get distracted by the boy on the floor below them.

It was hard to breathe, and Sirius wasn’t even sure if it was because of the weight sitting on their chest ever since last night, or simply because of Remus’s ability to take his breath away just by existing. Probably both.

Remus had the suit resting on his knees. The colour of the thread didn’t quite match the deep blue that the fabric was. He might change it later with a spell. Or then not. Remus didn’t care about little things like that. It was one of the many things Sirius loved about him.

“It’ll be a great colour on you.”

The corner of Remus’s mouth twitched. “You think?”

“Oh, I know.”

“I don’t own much dark blue, it’ll be a nice change,” Remus said. “And the muggle style makes sure I don’t have to worry about anyone dressing the same.”

Sirius agreed with a low hum, wondering why Remus even cared about that. He usually just preferred blending into the crowd as well as possible.

They both looked up when they heard loud stomping getting closer from the spiral staircase. Not five seconds later the door slammed open, revealing a euphoric-looking James.

“You’ll never believe this,” he said, striding into the room. His glasses sat crookedly on his nose. “ _Evans_ just asked _me_ to the Ball!”

“You are right, Prongs, that _is_ hard to believe,” Remus sneered. Sirius snorted.

“You should’ve seen his face,” said another voice. Peter had come in after James, setting himself to sit on the floor beside Remus. “I wish I had had a camera. He nearly passed out.”

“Thank you, thank you for the congratulations,” James said loudly over his friends’ mockery. He cleared his throat and pointed the wrong end of his wand at Peter. “Wormtail, mind sharing your exciting news?”

“Ah! I’m going to the Ball with Claudia,” Peter said, face breaking into a smug grin. “She’s in the Quidditch team. I asked her right after the practice.”

James cheered, and Remus patted Peter on the back.

Sirius didn’t say a word. They knew they should’ve been happy for their friends, but they couldn’t help the bitter feeling growing inside of them. Remus had a date. James and Peter had dates. Sirius would be the only one who didn’t.

None of the boys seemed to notice their lack of enthusiasm. Instead, James turned on his heels and aimed his wand at Sirius now, treating it as a pointer.

“Do you know who you’re going with, Pads?”

Sirius glanced at Remus. The boy was still sewing, but slowly, and they knew he was listening carefully.

 _Remus._ Remus had a date. And it wasn’t Sirius.

Hot rage flamed in their chest.

“Yeah, actually,” they said, the lie effortlessly leaving their mouth long before they could think it through. It could only hurt themselves, after all. “I have a date, too.”

“Ow,” Remus cried out. He squeezed his sweater sleeve around his now bleeding finger—he’d poked himself with the needle. He was staring. Staring, staring, staring. “You are? With _who?_ ”

Sirius bit their cheeks. “You don’t know them,” they mumbled, trying to ignore their friends’ curious gasps. Before they knew it, James was pushing forward.

“Moony? Who are you going with?”

Remus’s glare still burned their skin as he answered. “No one.”

Sirius’s stomach dropped. What? _What?_

But that girl… and he’d looked so happy after talking to her… _just_ as happy as James had just looked…

 _No_. Thinking Remus was going with someone else had been painful enough. But knowing he wasn’t, that he was still free, but Sirius had just screwed up their chances with their own hands…

“No one _yet_ ,” James corrected. How dared he sound so cheery, when Sirius was dying inside. He patted Remus on the shoulder. “You’re not the only one. Marlene doesn’t have a date yet! You could ask her.”

“Remus can’t go with Marlene,” Sirius spat out harshly. Two more heads turned to them. Sirius cleared their throat, rubbing their neck. “I mean… Marlene already has a date.”

At least that was true.

“Well, you still have time to find someone else, Remus,” Peter offered.

Sirius dared to glance in Remus’s direction, and as they did, he finally turned away. “I guess so,” he said in a defeated tone.

Sirius couldn’t fall asleep that night. Too many thoughts in their head. Too many emotions to push down.

They’d been _so_ sure Remus had said yes to the girl. Why else would Remus even have stated he’d been asked if he had rejected her, and nothing had changed, and he’d still be free for Sirius to carry out their plan to ask?

A thought, a gut-wrenching thought, one that made them want to break something and bawl, popped into their head. Maybe Remus liked someone, too. Maybe he was just waiting for someone to ask him. Maybe he was still gathering the courage to ask that person himself.

They heard the curtain of their bed rustle. A warm body flopped on the empty space beside them and reached for Sirius’s blanket, which Sirius silently stretched out for him. They felt Remus settle next to them, his back turned to Sirius, pressed along their side.

They shared a bed on most nights, longing for the other’s warmth, the sense of security they offered, keeping them close to keep the nightmares away.

Though Sirius could only speak for themselves. Maybe it was just a mindless habit for Remus. They had never asked. Just assumed. Wished.

Remus turned to his stomach, now facing Sirius’s direction. They wanted to touch his cheek so badly.

He was beautiful, and Sirius was in love.

He was right there, and still nowhere near within their reach.

The last few days before the holidays dragged slowly.

The news of Sirius Black having a date had spread through the whole school, which added pressure on Sirius’s shoulder to stick to their word. On a positive note, people had now stopped asking him out, thinking it was pointless, and Sirius didn’t have to consciously repeat their lie out loud.

They knew the problem could be solved simply.

 _“Tell Remus the truth,”_ urged Lily, Dorcas, and Marlene, who had seen through Sirius’s act right away.

They had promised to try. But admitting they are wrong had never been their strongest suit. They’d sooner suck it up and suffer the consequences than swallow their pride, no matter how much it stung. Not one of their best qualities.

Sirius couldn’t have been more grateful when Thursday finally arrived.

Their brand new robes had come in the mail the same morning. They were maroon silk, decorated with golden patterns on the sleeves. Sirius had also ordered a matching golden tie. Let that be another _fuck you_ to their parents.

The Ball would begin at eight o’clock, in half an hour. Sirius had planned going down there early, so the whole school wouldn’t be there already to gape at them when they’d arrive without a companion.

They were alone in the sixth-years’ dorm. Remus and Peter were… somewhere. James had gone downstairs a long time ago, the gentleman he could be when he made the effort, to wait for Lily with a bunch of roses. Sirius had made fun of him for it, but really, they would’ve done almost anything to be the one greeting their crush of several years at the end of the stairs.

“Fuck me,” they breathed out, rubbing their face. It could’ve been the best night of their life so far if they just had acted on time. It still could be, if they just got a grip on themselves.

“Sirius?”

Sirius flinched and turned toward the dorm bathroom door.

“Rem?”

“Yeah.”

Sirius walked to the door and tried the handle. It wasn’t locked. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, come on.”

Sirius pushed the door open, and leaned their shoulder to the doorframe, casually, _definitely_ not because they’d just gone weak from the knees.

They’d imagined Remus in this suit and shamelessly daydreamed about ripping those clothes off him as soon as they’d gotten enough of the sight.

But how could they ever get enough of _this_?

Remus was wearing his suit trousers already, slim-fit and straight, the jacket still folded and waiting on the toilet lid. He turned to Sirius when they opened the door and smiled sheepishly. Sirius noticed his bowtie was hanging open around his neck.

“Do you mind?”

It took a few seconds for Sirius to register the request, and they straightened up quickly.

“Uh, yeah, of course.”

They walked up to Remus, taking hold of the bowtie, trying and failing to keep their eyes where they were supposed to be. A couple of the top buttons of Remus’s shirt were still unbuttoned.

They’d been the one to teach Remus to do his tie. The boy had nearly burst into tears on their first journey to Hogwarts because it’d been the time to put their robes on and his father had forgotten to teach him.

Sirius had known how to do it as long as they could remember, so it was only reasonable to help the cute boy in their compartment. They’d never forget the smile Remus had had on his face as he’d sputtered endless thank yous.

They’d kept doing it every day until Remus had gotten the hang of it. Sometimes, after full moons or otherwise sleepless nights, Sirius would still do it, just out of habit.

But a bowtie was something Remus had barely ever worn before, and he still struggled with it.

“You could just use a spell for this,” Sirius said. “Or, you know, learn to do it yourself. It’s really easy.”

Remus shrugged. “I like it when you do it.”

It was both pain and pleasure to be close to Remus like this. Right under his golden eyes, touching his neck. Their fingers brushed over the faint scars there. They’d kiss them if they had permission.

“Your hot date coming to knock on the door soon?” Remus asked quietly. “Am I finally going to find out who they are?”

“Maybe,” Sirius mumbled. They straightened Remus’s collar and patted his chest. “Ready. Looking handsome, Moony.”

Remus’s cheeks flushed pink, and he looked down. “Look who’s talking.”

He had combed his hair to the side, and one of the golden locks was escaping, falling over his eyes. Sirius hesitated for a second, but they caught it and wiped it to its place, swirling it around their finger as they did. While they loved Remus’s messy hair more than many things in life, they thought this neat look suited him in a whole different way.

 _Tell him_ , a voice urged in their head.

They could. They could say they weren’t meeting anyone. That they’d lied, that they’d been a prick, that they didn’t have a date, _but if Remus just wanted..._

_Tell him._

“I better get going,” Sirius said instead.

“Oh.” Remus blinked. He took a hasty step back as if he’d just realised how close the two of them were, and Sirius realised their hand was still on Remus’s hair. “Alright. Maybe we’ll see each other there?”

“Of course we will.”

  
  


The Great Hall had been decorated with light colours. White, flowy curtains covered the walls, reaching so high they disappeared to the enchanted ceiling so Sirius couldn’t see where they were attached to. Glimmering snowflakes were slowly floating down from the ceiling and disappearing a few feets above the crowd’s heads.

The dining tables had been moved aside, now serving the purpose of a buffet at the sides of the room, leaving a massive empty space in the middle. Sirius picked up an empty goblet from one of the tables and filled it with a scarlet drink from a large bowl made of ice.

Not too many people had arrived yet, most still waiting for their dates in the atrium. Sirius walked to the corner farthest from the doors, stopping half-hidden behind one of the curtains, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention.

Ten minutes later more people started to suddenly pour into the hall. James entered with Lily, shining brighter than a thousand suns. Peter arrived soon after them, standing awkwardly beside his date.

Sirius didn’t see Remus anywhere.

“Sirius.”

Regulus was approaching them, diverging from a small group of other Slytherin students. He was wearing all-black robes, which Sirius recognised as the ones they had at home—their parents must’ve sent Regulus a package, too. It was sad to see him playing by their rules so nicely. 

Sirius was mildly surprised to see Regulus at the party at all. They knew a Ball like this, dates and dancing and hundreds of tipsy teens, weren’t anywhere near Regulus’s comfort zone.

But they were glad to see him. They missed their brother, especially now that they would never be going back to Grimmauld place for holidays with him.

“Hey,” Sirius said. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Regulus snatched Sirius’s goblet from their hand and sniffed the drink before taking a delicate sip. “Probably won’t stay for long. Just wanted to see if it is worth all the talk.”

Sirius nodded absently. Their gaze lingered on the Slytherin students Regulus had just left, and who now glared after him looking betrayed, but also slightly intimidated. They were smart enough not to pick up a fight with Sirius. They knew better than that by now.

“I don’t like that you hang around those Death Eater kids,” Sirius said.

“What choice do I have?” Regulus said in a low voice. “It’s not like the other houses really want a Slytherin kid in their friend group. So much for all your talk about prejudices.”

“You know you’re welcome to my friend group at any time,” Sirius said. “You could even come to the Potters for Christmas, you know. I’m sure they’d be happy to take you.”

Regulus’s eyes softened.

“I’ll see if I can,” he said after a moment. His eyes searched for something in the crowd. “So… where’s your famous date?”

Sirius felt themselves blush, and it seemed to be all Regulus needed.

“I see,” he said, curling his lips. “I thought it would be Lupin. You two still share a bed?”

“How do you know that?”

“Who wouldn’t know?”

Sirius fidgeted with their collar. “Sod off. I bet you have never even slept next to anyone.”

Regulus emptied Sirius’s goblet in one large sip. “Thank goodness.”

  
  


Regulus had barely left when a hand appeared on Sirius’s shoulder, softly prompting them to turn around. Dorcas and Marlene looked as happy as ever together, matching in their festive robes, Dorcas wearing silver and Marlene wearing gold.

“Why aren’t you with your sweetheart?” Marlene asked in an upbeat voice.

Sirius bit their lip. “He’s not my — that,” they muttered, wishing they could claim otherwise. “And he’s not even here yet.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Marlene nodded towards the doors, and Sirius spun to look.

Remus was easy to spot even over hundreds of heads, and Sirius wished he’d once again have something nearby to lean to. He looked nothing but gorgeous standing there in his suit, tall and touching his bowtie nervously. He was turning his head from side to side, and Sirius knew he was looking for them.

“So you didn’t tell them,” Dorcas said. Sirius pouted.

“Tell him what? I lied to you? I love you?” Sirius shook their head, gazing at Remus. He hadn’t noticed them yet. “He’s not gonna be happy about the first, and not able to say the latter truthfully back, so what’s the point?”

“Listen, have you seen the way he looks at you?” Dorcas asked.

Sirius looked back at their friends “Yeah, but he’s always looked at me like that.”

“You share a bed with him,” Marlene said.

“Yeah, _platonically._ ”

Dorcas and Marlene changed a long, exasperated look. Dorcas raised her arms in defeat.

“I’m going to dance,” she sighed and dropped a kiss on Marlene’s cheek. “Mary and Alice asked me a while ago. I’ll leave you to talk some sense into him.”

She waved her hand and left, disappearing into the crowd in seconds.

“How’d _you_ do it?” Sirius asked quietly. Marlene raised her eyebrows.

“Do what?”

“Got your dream girl.”

“I actually _told_ her I like her.” Marlene crossed her arms, the look in her eyes challenging. “Took the fucking risk, and look where it got me.”

Sirius bit their cheek. They tried to reach Remus’s eyes, but the boy was gone, no longer standing where he’d been mere seconds ago.

“Okay,” Sirius sighed. “I’ll go to him. As soon as I find him again.”

“You’re not going to find anyone if you’re just lurking behind the curtain.” Marlene grabbed Sirius’s hand and pulled them from the hiding spot onto the dance floor. 

Sirius sensed him before they saw him, a familiar itching and burning growing on their skin. Their eyes found Remus’s easily this time, where he was standing still beside the doors.

Even from the distance, Sirius could tell something was wrong. Remus’s stare was different than before. Unfocused. Cold.

They tried to smile at him. Remus didn’t smile back. He took a few slow steps back before turning his back to Sirius and disappearing from sight, marching out of the doors.

“Oh shit,” Marlene sighed from beside them, tearing her hand from Sirius’s. “You should go after him.”

Although Sirius wasn’t sure what exactly they’d done to upset Remus, they didn’t think to argue. They pushed their way through the crowd, thinking feverishly for any explanations for Remus’s behaviour.

Whatever it was, they’d fix it.

Sirius quickly gave up on running along the corridors and peeking into empty classrooms, having no actual clue where Remus had gone. Their heart was racing fast as they turned their steps toward the Gryffindor Tower, intending to retrieve the Marauders Map and use it to find him.

They were on the fifth floor when they happened to glance out of a frosty window they were passing. A lanky figure was walking down a path in the snow toward the Great Lake.

Sirius jumped four stairs at a time on their way back to the first floor and nearly flew across the atrium and out of the huge doors to the chilly night.

Hundreds of torches lit up the narrow paths that went around the grounds, but they got more few and farther between the further from the castle they got. When Sirius reached the shore, it was almost entirely dark. They pulled out their wand. “Lumos!”

Sirius pointed the light at the tip of the wand in every direction around them, even to the ground to spot Remus’s footsteps, but there were no signs the boy was anywhere near.

“Remus?”

Maybe he’d started to walk around the lake, as he sometimes did when he needed to sort out his thoughts. Maybe he was sitting hidden under one of the trees lining the lake. Or maybe...

“Here.”

Sirius directed the light above their head.

Remus was sitting on a low branch of an oak nearby, back resting against the trunk of the tree. His bow tie was hanging open again.

“What are you doing there?” Sirius asked, carefully stepping closer.

Remus shrugged, looking down at his hands. “Hiding.”

Sirius frowned. With a swift movement, they pulled their dark hair up and stuck their wand through the bun to keep them on their hair in its place—and the wand safe. They’d need both of their hands free.

Their shoes were slippery against the trunk, but after getting a firm grip of the lowest branch and a couple of minutes of silent struggling, Sirius managed to heave themselves on the tree. They carefully climbed the remaining couple of branches to Remus, and sat down opposite of him, mirroring his position.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

Sirius studied his face, trying to look for any signs that Remus had been crying, but if he had, he was hiding it well. “Why’d you leave, then?”

“I don’t know,” Remus said quietly. “I guess I just didn’t realise you went with her.”

Sirius blinked. “Who?”

“Marlene.”

“I didn’t go with Marlene. Dorcas went with Marlene. Didn’t you see them together?”

“I only saw you and her.” Remus wiped his nose to his sleeve. Sirius got alarmed noticing Remus was now crying. “It’s obvious, as an afterthought. You objected loudly when James said I should go with Marlene. That’s why you said she isn’t free, didn’t you? She was your secret date. Or maybe you just didn’t want me to take her from you because you hadn’t asked yet. And then I saw you come from behind a curtain with her, holding hands…”

Sirius wanted to say something comforting but couldn’t think of a single thing. They still weren’t sure what the problem was, but the old, agonising feeling in their chest was awakening. To them, it sounded like Remus was upset because Sirius had stolen Marlene from _him_.

Remus was hiding his face behind his fingers. “I don’t know why I’m acting like this,” he continued whispering. “I knew you had a date. I knew this was coming. Having to watch you with somebody else.”

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat. Their mouth fell open as they were slowly taking in Remus’s words, and they felt a small spark of hope. Maybe, just maybe…

“I didn’t go with her,” Sirius said again, trying to speak as softly as they could with the excitement building up in their chest. They swallowed before continuing, deciding it was finally time to let the lies go for good. “I didn’t go with anyone.”

Remus’s eyes finally flickered on them—for the first time after the Great Hall, Sirius realised. A single tear was rolling down his chin. Sirius wanted to reach for him but wasn’t still sure if Remus would want them to.

“It’s true that when James suggested you should go with Marlene, I got jealous.” Sirius flashed him an apologizing smile. “Not over her. But over _you_.

I said I have a date because I thought you already have one, too. I thought you were going with that girl you were so eagerly talking to on Saturday night. I was going to ask you, but then you told me she had just asked you. And I guess I just assumed you had said yes.”

Remus’s eyes were wide from surprise and confusion. “You were going to ask me?”

Sirius smiled. “Yeah.”

Remus bit his lip. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have bolted after I had only just started to tell what had happened with the girl,” he said hesitantly. “I was actually telling her off when you walked in. She _did_ ask me, but then she wasn’t so eager anymore after she found out I’m not.. well, as she expressed it, a real boy, and she—”

“What?!”

The hand Sirius was using to hold themselves steadily on the branch slipped at Remus’s words. Remus’s reflexes were quick—he reached his hand to grab Sirius by the front of their robes to prevent them from sliding down and falling.

Remus’s grip didn’t loosen a bit even when Sirius was sitting securely again. Sirius wanted to touch his hand and press it harder against their chest, let Remus know what he was doing to their heart. They did touch it. Lightly.

“You should’ve told me,” they said. “You shouldn’t have to deal with that bullshit.”

“I didn’t have to for long,” Remus said. “You walked in. I guess she got spooked. But I would’ve said no to her anyway, Pads. I never wanted to go with her, or anyone else who asked me, that matter. Anyone that wasn’t you.”

Sirius couldn’t fight a smile. Hearing these words falling from Remus’s mouth, Remus considering him an option, an _only_ option…

“And I wanted to ask you,” Remus pushed on, his voice starting to falter. “But you were asked ten times a day by people far more attractive than me and it was only a matter of time you’d find somebody… and then you did. Or I thought you did.”

No. _This_ wasn’t right. Remus’s tone was desperate, and his hand on Sirius’s chest trembling slightly. He still hadn’t realised.

Sirius squeezed their hand over Remus’s harder.

“You’re the most attractive person ever to exist, Moony,” Sirius said. “And you’re so much more than that. _I love you._ And I’d always choose you over anyone.”

Remus breathed in shakily. His eyes darted all over Sirius’s face as if trying to detect a lie, and he shook his head. Not understanding. Not believing.

“Why would you want me when you could have anyone you want?”

Sirius wasn’t having it anymore. They cupped Remus’s cheeks between their hands, locking eyes with him, staring sincerely into the deep gold. They’d not let this go. They’d not let Remus think he wasn’t the most wonderful person in the world for one more second. “Why anyone else when I could have _you?_ ”

Remus sniffed. He moved his hands on Sirius’s wrists.

“ _You’re_ the one I want,” Sirius said desperately. “I’m in love with _you._ Okay?”

Remus leaned in unexpectedly, resting his forehead against theirs. Sirius brushed his thumbs over Remus’s cheeks, wiping away a new tear.

“I love you too.”

Sirius had to close their eyes to let the words sink in. They’d imagined the situation before. Dreamed about hearing Remus whisper the words to their ear at dinner in the Great Hall, or in a hospital bed after a full moon, or maybe drop a little note on their desk in class.

They’d imagined, but never before this night dared to let themselves believe it could actually happen. It was unreal. It was overwhelming.

Remus’s voice was drenched with emotion, what made Sirius want to beg Remus to say the words over and over again. They could feel Remus’s breath on their face, warm and fast. They wondered if Remus would let them kiss him.

They tilted Remus’s head back gently to meet his eyes again. He let them. Sirius ran their thumb over Remus’s lower lip, making the boy shiver. They smirked.

“Please?” Sirius said hoarsely.

“Maybe… maybe we should go on the ground first,” Remus breathed out. “My world’s kind of spinning already and when you kiss me I’m definitely going to fall.”

Sirius wanted to kiss him even more for that.

They jumped to the ground first. Remus landed elegantly beside them, and as soon as he straightened up, Sirius was ready for him. They reached to cup their face again and leaned forward, Remus bending to meet them halfway.

Their first kiss was nothing more than a soft brush of their lips, and they broke apart only for long enough for Sirius to catch a glimpse of Remus and how he looked like, an inch away, flushed and his eyes still closed, before they dived in again. Because they couldn’t resist. And because they wouldn’t have to anymore.

They felt like they were dreaming right now. And when Remus picked them up and pressed their back against the tree, they definitely were. They could happily live in this feeling forever.

Remus looked peaceful. Maybe more peaceful than ever in Sirius’s memories.

They were back in the Common Room, sitting on an ashy carpet in front of the fireplace, snuggling against each other with a teapot and a plate full of biscuits waiting for them at their feet.

They hadn’t caught a glimpse of anyone for hours now. They’d returned to the Ball when the hall had already started to empty, and spent a long time on the dance floor even though Remus had been reluctant at first. Sirius had spent half of the time resting their head on Remus’s chest, swaying slowly to soft music mixed with Remus’s heartbeat.

They’d been the last ones to leave the party and still didn’t return to the Gryffindor Tower for a long time. Everyone else had gone to sleep by the time they’d stepped in.

Sirius had changed into Remus’s sweater. They swore they’d never be caught wearing their own clothes again.

The top buttons of Remus’s collar shirt were open again, this time by Sirius’s actions. His curls were no longer neatly combed to the side, but a fluffy cloud after hundreds of strokes of Sirius’s long fingers through them.

It was still hard to grasp this was their reality now.

They kissed Remus’s cheek. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What’re you doing?”

“Thinking.”

“About?”

“You,” Remus hummed softly. “And how much I love you, baby.”

Sirius let themselves melt on Remus’s lap, burying their face on his stomach and let out a long, soft sound. They were more comfortable than they’d ever been.

“You called me _baby_.”

Remus’s hand ran up and down Sirius’s back. “Is this the reaction I’m gonna get out of you when I call you baby?”

“Mmhm. Every time.”

“I like it.” Remus’s hand found their hair. “Can I have a cheesy nickname, too?”

Sirius sat back up, leaning their head against Remus’s. They _had_ to be as close to him as they could, at all times, never let him go again.

“You know what I’ve longed to call you for ages? Mine.”

Remus’s eyes sparkled, a content smirk dancing on his lips as he tilted his head to gaze at Sirius better. “Yours?”

Finally, finally theirs.


End file.
